Secret Anger

‘Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many’ (Heb 12:15). 

Anger is a natural emotion that was given by God; its role can be very beneficial if it is controlled and it does not lead to sin. Like pain and fear, anger is a natural emotion that usually comes as a natural reaction to a negative situation. It is usually a signal that something is not right. Ignoring these emotions can be very detrimental, even causing loss of lives. There are numerous examples of acceptable anger in the Bible. Psalm 7:11 says, ‘God is an honest judge. He is angry with the wicked every day’. There are other examples of God being angry when men sin. There are also accounts of Jesus being angry when men sinned (Mark 3:5). Clearly, it can be established that anger cannot be always classified as sin. So Paul told the Church in Ephesus, “be angry, and do not sin” do not let the sun go down on your wrath” (Eph 4:26).

The Bible is very clear about the importance of controlling anger. Many are in jails because of actions they took during a few minutes of rage. Also, there are others who have a habit of been easily angered at the slightest provocation, pushing people away and destroying valuable relationships. Another aspect of anger that can be more dangerous is secret anger. It can breeds bitterness. This bitterness can become a deadly poison that can destroy a person, families and an entire society if not dealt with (Heb 12:15). This lesson focuses on the dangers of secret anger and how to deal with it.

This is how Bob Gass describes the dangers of secret anger, ‘It can ‘eat away’ at you, replacing kindness with animosity. You try to keep a lid on it, but inevitably it explodes, surprising (and sometimes devastating) those who thought they knew you so well. Secret anger hurts most the one who carries it, for it colors your world, embittering you to everything around you. As it percolates, you feel less and less joy, and all your experiences are filtered through the lens of resentment, instead of gratitude. It can hide behind smiles and laughter, yet still be simmering towards the person you eat and sleep with. It can take some event that happened 20 years ago, label it “irreconcilable differences,” and make it the basis for a divorce.

Instead of being consumed by it, God tells you to forgive it and let it go. When you deny your feelings and stew under the surface, you give the devil the advantage over you (2 Corinthians 2:11). But by dealing scripturally with the situation your painful experiences can make you better, not bitter. If you're struggling with bitterness today do these three things.

         First, forgive. Forgiveness isn't based on an emotion. Don't wait until you 'feel' like it; decide today to let the offence go. When you do, God's Spirit will calm your emotions and help you overcome the urge to retaliate. Jesus said, 'blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy' (Matthew 5:7 NIV). Since you yourself will always need to make withdrawals, God calls you to keep making 'mercy deposits'. 

         Second, pray about it. The moment you sense resentment, turn to God and He will give you the strength to act in love rather than react in anger. When you commit to living this way He promises to give you '...power to keep [yourself] calm in the days of adversity...' (Psalm 94:13 AMP).  

         Third, think scripturally. Look up every verse you can find on showing forgiveness and meditate on them. Remember, each time you choose to do the right thing, a little more of the old you dies and the new you develops. That's how God prepares you for greater blessing. But you must be in position to receive it. So decide now that although you've been 'burned', you won't become bitter’. Remember, ‘Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city’ (Proverbs 16:32 NIV).

On the other hand, if you have wronged others, it is your responsibility to apologize to them. Make an effort and apologize to them and help their healing process.